12 Pounds of Bananas

A little old lady is sitting in the violin section, fumbling for notes in a difficult key signature. After a few minutes the conductor becomes so enraged that he hits her on the head with his music stand, and the poor old dear dies instantly. Not surprisingly, he is convicted and put on death row. Just before he is to be electrocuted, his last request is for 12 pounds of bananas, which he devours. They strap him into the chair, flip the switch, and he just sits there, smiling. According to tradition, this is considered a reprieve from God and he is freed.

Somehow he gets his old job back, and he is happily conducting the orchestra when the trumpet player goes sharp. Enraged, he lunges out with his baton, skewering the offender’s neck and killing him. Again, he is convicted and sent to death row. He again eats the 12 pounds of bananas, and lo and behold, the electricity does not harm him. This time the executioner cleans the contacts, makes him sit in a bucket of water; he tries everything – but the conductor won’t die. So again, he is set free.

Amazingly he regains his job. It takes him 1 day to lose his temper and beat to death a trombonist. He returns to death row, eats the bananas, and survives the electrocution. At this point, the executioner can take no more – his professional pride has been hurt.

Before setting our friend free again, he asks him his secret, “What is it with the bananas?”

“Oh, the bananas have nothing to do with it,” replies our friend. “I’m just a bad conductor.”

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