Dr. Computer

A man said to his friends one night down the pub, “My elbow’s really starting to hurt me. I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow.”

“Don’t do that mate! There’s this computer at the chemists that can diagnose anything faster than a doctor. Just put in a piss sample and it’ll diagnose the problem and tell you the treatment. It only costs a fiver.”

So the next morning he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the chemists. He found the computer, poured in the sample, and deposited the 5. The computer started making some noises and lights started flashing on it. Then, after a brief pause and a pinging sound a slip of paper popped out on which was printed his diagnosis: “You’ve got tennis elbow, soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy lifting. It’ll be better in two weeks.”

Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. Then, to top it off, he masturbated into the concoction.

He went back to the chemists store, poured in the sample and deposited another 5. The machine again made the usual noises, flashed, pinged, and printed out he following analysis:

– Your tap water’s too hard, get a water softener.
– Your dog’s got worms, give him worming tablets and vitamin pills.
– Your daughter’s on drugs, take her to the drop-in centre.
– Your wife’s pregnant, it’s not yours – see your solicitor.
– And if you don’t stop wanking your tennis elbow will never get better.“