The only cow in a small town in Ireland stopped giving milk. Then the town folk found they could buy a cow in Scotland quite cheaply. So, they brought the cow over from Scotland. It was absolutely wonderful, It produced lots of milk every day and everyone was happy. They bought a bull to mate with the cow to get more cows, So they’d never have to worry about their milk supply again. They put the bull in the pasture with the cow but no matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull. The people were very upset and decided to go to The Vet, who was very wise, tell him what was happening and ask his advice. “ The Vet rubbed his chin thoughtfully and pondered this Before asking, "Did you by chance, buy this cow in Scotland ?” The people were dumbfounded, since no one had ever mentioned that they had brought the cow over from Scotland . “You are truly a wise Vet,” they said. “How did you know we got the cow from Scotland ? The Vet replied with a distant look in his eye: "My wife is from Scotland ”
I started dating a black girl recently, so I decided to bring her home to meet the family.
The kids wouldn’t talk to her and my wife told me to pack my bags and leave.
A pharmacist, you racist.
He wanted to dig his Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard.
His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:
Dear Vincent, I am feeling pretty badly because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my Yellow Yam and Sweet Potato Garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me….Love, Dad
A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Don’t dig up that garden. That’s where I buried the bodies.
At 4 a.m. The next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad, Go ahead and plant the Yams and Potatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances.
There was a man named Charlie who was such a die-hard optimist. No matter how hard the situation was, he would always say, “It could have been worse.”
So to cure him of his annoying habit, his friends decided to invent a story to trick him.
One day, his friends told him, “Charlie, did you hear what happened to Rob? He came home last night, found his wife in bed with another man, shot then both, and turned the gun on himself!”
“That’s so tragic,” Charlie replied, “but it could have been worse.”
“HOW THE FUCK,” his dumbfounded friends replied, “could it POSSIBLY be FUCKING WORSE???”
“Well,” says Charlie, “IF IT FUCKING HAPPENED THE NIGHT BEFORE, I’D BE FUCKING DEAD!”