Archive Monthly Archives: August 2011

Dear Dad

Letter home from school…

Dear Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply can’t think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love,
Your $on.

A week later….. a letter from “home”

Dear Son,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,
Dad

Talking Clock

While proudly showing off his new apartment to friends, a college student led the way into the den.

“What are the big brass gong and hammer for?” one of his friends asked.

“That’s the talking clock,” the student replied.

“How does it work?” the friend asked.

“Watch!” said the man, and he proceeded to give the gong an ear-shattering pound with the hammer. Suddenly someone screamed from the other side of the wall: “KNOCK IT OFF, YOU JERK! It’s 2 a.m.!”

‘CASE DISMISSED!!’

A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus.

She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her.

She immediately moved to another seat.

This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again.

The man seemed more amused.

When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing,

she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested.

The case came up in court.

The judge asked the man (about 20 years old)

what he had to say for himself.

The man replied,

‘Well your Honor, it was like this:

when the lady got on the bus,

I couldn’t help but notice her condition.

She sat down under a sign that said,

‘The Double Mint Twins are coming’ and I grinned.

Then she moved and sat under a sign that said,

‘Logan’s Liniment will reduce the swelling,’ and I had to smile.

Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said,

‘William’s Big Stick Did the Trick,’ and I could hardly contain myself.

But, Your Honor, when she moved the fourth time

and sat under a sign that said,

‘Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident!’

… I just lost it.’

Silly Mind Tricks

Try this it is really cool.  See if you are a lateral thinker. Scroll
down slowly, otherwise you’ll see the answers. This works better
verbally, but try it:
 
Name the colour of the following things as fast as you can:

                                  snow

                                  paper

                                  clouds

                                  chalk

                                  wedding gown

Say the word “white” to yourself 10 times fast.

QUICK!!!!!!!!   WHAT DO COWS DRINK!!!

Contrary to popular belief, cows do NOT drink milk. They drink water.

———————————————————————-

Just follow the instructions below:

DON’T scroll down too fast – do it slowly,  and follow the
instructions below exactly, and do the math in your head as fast as you
can.  It worked on us.

FOLLOW these instructions one at a time and as QUICKLY as you can!

What is:

2+2?

4+4?

8+8?

16+16?

Quick! Pick a number between 12 and 5.  Got it?

Now scroll down…

The number you picked was 7 right?

Isn’t that weird???

Another one…

What is:

1+5 ?

2+4 ?

3+3 ?

4+2 ?

5+1 ?

Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15
seconds. then page down

QUICK!!!  THINK OF A VEGETABLE!  Then page down.

You’re thinking of a carrot right?

If not, you’re among the 2% of the population whose minds are warped
enough to think of something else. 98% of people will answer with
carrot when given this exercise.

Why Parents get Gray Hair

The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an
urgent problem with one of the main computers. He dialed the
employee’s home phone number and was greeted with a child’s whispered,
“Hello?”

Feeling put out at the inconvenience of having to talk to a youngster
the boss asked, “Is your Daddy home?”

“Yes”, whispered the small voice.

“May I talk with him?” the man asked.

To the surprise of the boss, the small voice whispered, “No.”

Wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, “Is your Mommy there?”

“Yes”, came the answer. “May I talk with her?”

Again the small voice whispered, “No”.

Knowing that it was not likely that a young child would be left home
alone, the boss decided he would just leave a message with the person
who should be there watching over the child.  “Is there anyone there
besides you?”, the boss asked the child.

“Yes” whispered the child, “A policeman.”

Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee’s home, the boss
asked, “May I speak with the policeman”?

“No, he’s busy”, whispered the child.

“Busy doing what?, asked the boss.

"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman,” came the whispered
answer.

Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a
helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, “What is
that noise?”

“A hello-copper”, answered the whispering voice.

“What is going on there?”, asked the boss, now alarmed.

In an awed whispering voice the child answered, “The search team just
landed the hello-copper.”

Alarmed, concerned and more than just a little frustrated the boss
asked, “Why are they there”?

Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle,
“They’re looking for me!”

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