Archive Monthly Archives: January 2011

Never trust little old Indian women

A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man.

“Where did you get money like this?” he asked her.

“Well, you see.” She answered him. “I make bets.”

“Bets?” He wanted to know.

“Yes.” She replied. “For instance, I’ll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over. I bet that under your shorts you are white.”

“The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet.” “I am brown all over.”

“Okay,” the wily old lady agreed. “However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too.

"Okay! Okay.” The president of the bank was agreeable.

When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.

The next day when the little old Indian lady came in with her attorney, the president was ready for her.

The little old Indian woman told him. “I am not going to take your word for it. I want to see if you are brown all over.”

The president thought for a moment and decided since it was, after all, 25,000 he would, indeed, drop his pants to show the little old Indian woman he was brown all over, which he did. He looked over at the Indian attorney who was banging his head against the wall.

“Why is he doing that?” The president asked.

The little old Indian woman answered, “Because I bet him 165,000 that the President of the Republic National Bank would drop his pants for me.

Never trust little old Indian women

A little old Indian woman went into Republic National Bank with a sack full of money. She plopped it onto the desk of the Bank president as she had wrangled her way into his office. He was an Indian man.

“Where did you get money like this?” he asked her.

“Well, you see.” She answered him. “I make bets.”

“Bets?” He wanted to know.

“Yes.” She replied. “For instance, I’ll bet you 25,000. you are not brown all over. I bet that under your shorts you are white.”

“The Indian president of the Bank told her, "Well, I will take that bet.” “I am brown all over.”

“Okay,” the wily old lady agreed. “However, tomorrow when we close the bet, I want my attorney with me. He is Indian too.

"Okay! Okay.” The president of the bank was agreeable.

When he went home though he double checked to see if he was brown all over. After all 25,000. was at stake.

The next day when the little old Indian lady came in with her attorney, the president was ready for her.

The little old Indian woman told him. “I am not going to take your word for it. I want to see if you are brown all over.”

The president thought for a moment and decided since it was, after all, 25,000 he would, indeed, drop his pants to show the little old Indian woman he was brown all over, which he did. He looked over at the Indian attorney who was banging his head against the wall.

“Why is he doing that?” The president asked.

The little old Indian woman answered, “Because I bet him 165,000 that the President of the Republic National Bank would drop his pants for me.

Signs That Childhood Is Over

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t do it anymore.

*Driving a car doesn’t always sound like fun.

*The average 10-year-old doesn’t have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.

*Being bad is no longer cool.

*You have friends who have kids.

*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald’s playland.

*Your parents’ jokes are now funny.

*You once said, “What-chu talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”

*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.

*Naps are good.

*You once deemed Space Invaders as “The best game ever.”

*When things go wrong, you can’t just yell, “Do-over!”

*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.

*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

*You want clothes for Christmas.

*You don’t want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.

*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realise it’s a shot of you from behind.

Signs That Childhood Is Over

*Just one peanut butter and jelly sandwich doesn’t do it anymore.

*Driving a car doesn’t always sound like fun.

*The average 10-year-old doesn’t have a clue who Bo and Luke Duke are.

*Being bad is no longer cool.

*You have friends who have kids.

*Saturday mornings are for sleeping.

*You are taller than the slide at the McDonald’s playland.

*Your parents’ jokes are now funny.

*You once said, “What-chu talkin’ ‘bout Willis?”

*You have owned, and since disowned, Michael Jackson’s “Thriller.”

*You would rather wear your dirty clothes again, cuz mom is not there to do your laundry anymore.

*Naps are good.

*You once deemed Space Invaders as “The best game ever.”

*When things go wrong, you can’t just yell, “Do-over!”

*You actually buy scarves, gloves, and sunscreen.

*You leave concerts and ballgames early to beat the crowd.

*You want clothes for Christmas.

*You don’t want a Camaro because of the insurance premiums.

*You look in the surveillance camera monitor at the convenience store, wonder who that guy is standing at the counter with the bald spot, and then realise it’s a shot of you from behind.

The Wife

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

The Wife

A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor’s office.

After his check-up, the doctor called the wife into his office alone. He said, “Your husband is suffering from a very severe stress disorder. If you don’t follow my instructions carefully, your husband will surely die.

"Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast. Be pleasant at all times. For lunch make him a nutritious meal. For dinner prepare an especially nice meal for him.

"Don’t burden him with chores. Don’t discuss your problems with him; it will only make his stress worse. Do not nag him. Most importantly, make love to him regularly.

"If you can do this for the next 10 months to a year, I think your husband will regain his health completely.”

On the way home, the husband asked his wife, “What did the doctor say?”

“He said you’re going to die,” she replied.

The Cowboy and the Preacher

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d feed him.”

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, “Well, I’m not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”

The Cowboy and the Preacher

One Sunday, a cowboy went to church. When he entered, he saw that he and the preacher were the only ones present. The preacher asked the cowboy if he wanted him to go ahead and preach.

The cowboy said, “I’m not too smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I’d feed him.”

So the minister began his sermon.

One hour passed, then two hours, then two-and-a-half hours. The preacher finally finished and came down to ask the cowboy how he had liked the sermon.

The cowboy answered slowly, “Well, I’m not very smart, but if I went to feed my cattle and only one showed up, I sure wouldn’t feed him all the hay.”

A Day in the Jungle

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

“What did you do that for?” asks the crocodile.

The elephant answers, “That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.”
The crocodile says, “And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.”

“Yep,” says the elephant. “Turtle recall.”

A Day in the Jungle

An elephant and a crocodile were swimming in the Amazon, when the elephant spots a turtle sunning himself on a rock. The elephant walks over to the turtle, picks him up in his trunk and hurls him far into the jungle.

“What did you do that for?” asks the crocodile.

The elephant answers, “That turtle was the one that bit me almost fifty years ago.”
The crocodile says, “And you remembered him after all these years? Boy, you sure do have a good memory.”

“Yep,” says the elephant. “Turtle recall.”

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